July 17th 2018; Somewhere in the the 9AM hour

Sarah, It is breast cancer.

Sigh

Sigh

Sigh

Something I NEVER thought I would hear at this time of my life. 

I mean after all, I was literally getting my kids dressed to leave the house for a playdate when the nurse contacted me with my biopsy results. Results we had been waiting FOUR long days for. My husband had been staying close to home and working from him the first part of the week, so when I did receive the call, I was not alone with this kids. He went to take the trash out when the nurse called me. 

Sarah, Its V from XXX, is now a good time, as she can hear my kids in the background squealing. Yes, of course

I ran out of the house so fast yelling for my husband, put the phone speaker so we could both listen to the results. As we sat down on the patio together.......

Sarah, it is breast cancer. , let me go find my husband.

I sat there in shock. I think I even blacked out for a minute. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. There were no tears at that point. I kept thinking how UNFAIR this was. WHY ME? Holy, shit I am dying. My kids need their mom. My husband needs his wife. I remember looking over at my husband and tears streaming down his face. Then I lost it. He was the strong one during those days of waiting impatiently as I googled and searched on IG for young breast cancer survivors. 

All while these thoughts were going through my head, the nurse was explaining what our next steps were. We knew going into the ultrasound and after the biopsy I needed to seek out a breast surgeon. Whatever was inside my breast, had to come out. We had no idea what to ask. I was drawing a blank and thank goodness my husband is quick to ask questions. She went on to explain my diagnoses:

Her 2 Negative

Er & PR positive 

Okay and what stage: Stage 2

Okay, okay, okay. 

We need to find a surgeon, which I had already been researching, from information they gave after my biopsy. Thank God for my husband because he was on TOP of this. {I will go into detail about this in another post}

We then got the information to send over to a surgeons office that my husband had contacted the day before. 

Once, we felt we had most general information we needed to start off with, we were good to go and ended the call. 

I called my mom and sister, they filtered the news down to our family. 

My husband called his family. 

There was nothing else I could do except cry my eyes out. Cry some more. And then some more.

Then, in typical mom fashion. Put the kids in the car and we went to our playdate. I had to get out of the house. I had to continue on with my day and put this in the back of my mind.

And this is the beginning of my cancer journey.

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Thank for for following me on this journey. These are the raw, unfiltered feelings that I am sharing.

Sarah